Three months ago TODAY. Yup, it was three months ago that we arrived on this little island in the Caribbean. I had heard that around the three month mark is when a lot of SO's ("significant others" of the student... trying to remind everyone of SGU terminology) start to have a hard time living on the island. I am naturally an optimistic person and look for the positive in any circumstance. Even though we have had our fare share of "trials" already in the past three months I have never ONCE uttered the words "I HATE GRENADA!"..... Until yesterday. Yup it happened.. maybe it's because I have felt like crap all week. I have this lingering cold/flu that I just can't seem to shake. Maybe it's because it's holiday season starting and fall is my FAVORITE time of year.. and I'm stuck in an eternal summer. Maybe it's because it's so stinking hot...seriously ALL the time. (Being sick I haven't been able to enjoy activities that cool me and the kids down... ie swimming at the pool/beach, etc.) Maybe it's because I know my A/C bill next month will be even more ridiculous because I have been at home more using it. Maybe it's because I'm TIRED of all the freaking bugs! I just want to go ONE day without seeing a bug IN my house! Maybe it's because I'm tired of feeling like I have to wear shoes/sandals all the time until my feet hit the bed at night. Maybe it's because I'm married to an AMAZING, wonderful, kind, loving man... that I only get to see for about an hour a day. Maybe it's because I feel like I am a single Mom. I have been ok being the President of our little family but I lost my VP and am trying to run this little family all on my own... in a foreign country, with a different culture, where the grocery store never seems to be fully stocked, and with NO fast food. (Oh McDonald's why did you have to start serving breakfast ALL day now?! Couldn't you have waited for me? Or started BEFORE I left?) I never realized how nice it was, if I was busy running around all day to be able to stop by Papa Murphy's and grab a pizza for dinner. Maybe it's because I'm tired of household chores taking me ALL day, every day and it STILL never feels clean! Maybe it's because I have no definite visitors coming any time soon. Maybe it's because everyone says it just gets harder. Maybe it's because yesterday I had to pay $700 EC to renew me and the kid's visas so we can stay until May. Yes, we have to pay yet MORE money...go into MORE debt... just to keep our family together. Maybe it's because I love to bake but my kitchen is usually at a 90-94 degrees F and turning on the oven can be torture. Maybe it's because more times than ever previously I have heard my kids say "Mom are you crying? Why are you crying?" Maybe it's because I feel like a 1st world brat complaining about all these "trivial" things when some of the locals don't even have running water. Is this what I signed up for? Was I really ok with this? Am I really strong enough to do this? I was feeling like I could, but now... I'm not so sure. Before we got here I had heard of other families where the wife ends up going back to the US and staying there until their husband finishes school. I always thought "how could you be away from your husband for such long periods of time?" I'd be lying if I hadn't already considered the idea. But in reality Josh is my rock, I couldn't be away from him for that long. Maybe that's why it's so hard right now, I'm here with him but I feel like I'm here without him.
Up until this point I have felt just fine. I have been able to accomplish things that even a year ago I thought I could have NEVER done. I have literally felt the prayers on my behalf, helping me to accomplish day-to-day tasks. Then this sickness hit and just turned my world upside down. I feel like if I can lick this then I can get back to my normal routine and feel like myself again. Optimism and all. I know that this is where Heavenly Father wants me and my little family right now, and I know he will help strengthen me. This doesn't mean I won't stop having hard days, or that I'll stop crying because I miss Josh. But it does mean that I know that it is a time and a season, and "this too shall pass." I find strength in one of my favorite quotes:
"Don't you give up. Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead... It will be alright in the end. TRUST GOD and believe in good things to come." - Elder Jeffery R. Holland
Until then I'll try not to let my kids die while I rest my aching body and attempt to get over this sickness.
Love,
Pessimistic Harmony
Hazyl was so sweet on Sunday while I was sick. This girl is a TOTAL blankie girl. She LOVES her blankie, so the fact that she shared it with me... that's true love. She wanted me to feel better and was just so sweet! So was my Cannon! He kept writing me little notes that said "Mom I love you. I wish you were not sick." I basically have the best kids ever!
No comments:
Post a Comment